#MissingType

Some of you like me, may have noticed over the last week or two, that the NHS has a massive blood drive campaign on called #MissingType.The campaign caught my eye not Just because of its rather witty marketing, but because of the compelling message behind it and because of a very recent, very personal and moving first hand experience.

A few weeks ago my father almost died. Quite suddenly, but not completely unexpectedly. It was very “touch and go” as the doctor put it, and if it wasn’t for two life saving blood transfusions that he received,  I’m not sure he would still be here with us today. That experience gave me a real appreciation not only of the NHS, but of the men and women who selflessly donate blood. That situation could have ended very differently if the blood that he needed there and then was not available. Worst still, if the specific blood type he needed was not available. So if something as small as me donating blood can help prevent that being a possibility for someone else then I feel I have a responsibility to give blood and give back, just as someone else did so that my father could live. The decision to give blood feels like a very personal one, and so I would never want to make anyone reading this feel like they should if it is something they are uncomfortable with. But I would hope that anyone reading this that hasn’t considered or thought about giving blood before, or has but like me just never had the impetus to actually go ahead and do it, reads this and is encouraged and compelled by the difference that they can personally make to the life of someone else. 

For me personally, having my father go through that experience made me realise that it could have just as easily been any other family member, friend or myself in that very vulnerable and scary position. So yesterday evening I decided to finally register as a blood donor and booked myself in at my nearest donation centre. It was very quick and easy to do, and there are plenty of places, dates and times you can go to give blood. For anyone still undecided, here are a few hard hitting stats from the Give Blood website:

1. Only 4% of adults are donors

2. Each blood donation can help as many as 3 people 

3. 100 donations equates to 47 litres of blood

4. B blood is rare. Only 2% of the population has type B blood

5. Only 9% of donors live in greater London

6. 8% of donors are donating for the first time 

If you would like to register or find out more, go to the Give Blood website or check out the hashtag #MissingType or #giveblood on Twitter for more information. 

25 things you’ll find yourself saying to a toddler all the time

I loved reading @ladyemsy post “Questions I Often Ask Myself Now That I’m A Mum” over at Tea Lady Mumbles earlier in the week so I thought I’d write a similar list. I tried to write a list of questions, but I got stuck at 8 and they were fairly droll and uninteresting – even I was bored reading them *yawn*. But I caught myself this weekend repeating the same phrases to my 23 month little lady over and over again so I decided to write about them and I found that once I started the phrases just rolled out. I can’t quite believe that I actually have 25 key phrases that have become a part of my daily vocabulary since I became a mum, but here they are;

1. Can you listen please

2. You’re not listening

3. Be careful!

4. No touching

5. Don’t put that in your mouth

6. Can you put it back please

7. Have some water

8. Have you done a wee/poo?

9. Eat your food, don’t play with it!

10. You can’t have cereal/ice cream (select inappropriate food) for breakfast/lunch/dinner (select inappropriate time)

11. Stop picking your nose!

12. Let’s wipe your hands/face

13. You don’t need that dummy!

14. How do you ask nicely?

15.  What do you say? (after being given something)

16. What did you say? (try to translate completely unintelligible words)

17. You have to share

18. Shall we go and find daddy?

19. Come here please

20. What are you doing?

21. Stop crying

22. It’s ok

23. Clever girl

24. You look beautiful

25. I love you

I’ve found that the vocabulary that I use with the little lady has changed over time as she has grown and become more independent. However I’m sure that most parents of toddlers will be familiar with and use most of these from time to time, if not most of the time!

What phrases you find yourself using ALL the time?

Drop offs and pick ups 

Cars

This morning as I dropped the little lady off to nursery, I couldn’t help but smile knowingly at one of the other mums looking flustered coming up the stairs with her son in one arm, and his bag, jacket and other toddler paraphernalia in the other as I overheard her saying to him “Come on, you’re going to be ok. Look there’s everybody!!”. I wasn’t sure whether her forced enthusiasm was for her benefit or his. He looked as cool as a cucumber. If anything she was the one that was looking slightly distressed by their morning experience. However, any parent will know that looks can be deceiving and for all I know he could have been about to have a major meltdown (incident 3) the moment they stepped in that classroom door. I didn’t stick around to see. I managed to drop off my little person this morning without any clingy koala bear moments (incident 1) or tears (incident 2) and as any parent with a child in nursery will know, once you’ve dropped them off in their room you don’t look back, you saunter as quickly as you can so that they don’t pick up on any signs of weakness and try to pull an incident 1, 2 or 3 on you.

As I ran down the stairs and towards the door I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself thinking about how similar our experiences as parents are, and of some of the times that the little lady has blindsided me with one of these incidental delights during the morning drop off. So I thought I’d share some forewarning for the parents who have yet to experience one of these, or some laughs for those that have. Here’s typically how they go;

An Incident 1 Scenario AKA The Clingy Koala Bear: You dare to break routine for a lovely family holiday/break/day off (fill in the blank) and attempt to return to said routine like nothing has happened or changed, but your little prince or princess didn’t get the memo. Routine is king to these little people and they may have just assumed that spending all day with mummy and/or daddy was the new routine. Cue one clingy koala bear when you try to drop them off at nursery on day one post your holiday. As you attempt to routinely hand them over to their key worker or the nearest staff member, you find that they are suddenly glued to you like a limpet, firmly refusing to let go and genuinely confused at why you are both there in the first place. After much placating, promises to pick them up after work along with your choice of bribe, the staff manage to finally peel them off of you.

An Incident 2 Scenario AKA The Tears: They usually come out of nowhere, all of a sudden and without warning. One moment everything is fine and the morning routine appears to be going to plan, but the moment you hand them over and attempt to leave they start to cry for no real or apparent reason. Some of us parents attempt to stay and try to calm them down and figure out what is wrong. Others hot foot it leaving the poor bewildered staff to deal with the incident. However in the end the result is the same. Whether you stay or go they will cry until they are ready to stop, or unless you take them home, and that’s not really an option now, is it.

An Incident 3 Scenario AKA The Major Meltdown: Both a parent and key workers worst nightmare. Major meltdown incidents are explosive and uncontrollable and have the power to set off all the other children. Similar to incident 2, they seem to come from nowhere and without warning but with much more ferocity. I have seen other toddlers self destruct all of a sudden like little grenades, with full on, on the supermarket floor type tantrums. They are destructive and distracting and both parents and staff know that these are dangerous moments for all involved. The situation must be handled swiftly and expertly before the others all realise what is going on and join in. I have often watched the little lady assessing the situation, at which point distraction (think high-pitched, over enthusiastic commentary about what a great day she is going to have), handover and a sharp exit are key.

However, im glad to say that by pick up time all seems to be forgotten by all parties. That is, until tomorrow..

If you have any of your own tongue in check drop off or pick up moments then share them here. It’s always reassuring to hear it isn’t just you, and at the same time have a giggle!

photo credit: N05/2934218773″>Rich boys have many toys via photopin (license)

Things we love.. Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes

Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes Front Shot

We are such fans in our house of these Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes. So much so that the little lady is on her third round of them for the second year in a row. They are the perfect spring/summer shoes for an active toddler. The little lady started wearing them when she was one and she is just about to turn two! Whilst they are marketed as summer canvas shoes, the little lady has worn them well into the Autumn and Winter seasons with tights as I have always struggled to find other casual toddler shoes that compare. We’ve found them to be comfortable, durable and kind to little feet and we just can’t get enough of them.

Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes Side ShotWhat attracted me to them initially was the simple classic design, wide range of colours and sweet prints such as the Ditsy floral print, Red and White Polka Dot and Navy pairs we just bought, and the Pale Pink and Red versions that we had previously. The little lady loves them and I love them too, which as any parent will know is a winning combination, especially those with growing independent toddlers! We always get lots of comments on them from friends, family and other mums, including those with little boys who usually ask me where they are from. Luckily the shoes are unisex so im sure they look great on boys as well as girls. They also do a soft baby version and a more sporty sneaker “a la converse” range of the shoes which are just as sweet. Whats even better is that they are such great value at only £12, and just in case you have trouble picking just one like I often do, when you buy two pairs you get £5 off. Dont all rush at once!

Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes Red and White Polka DotJo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes Ditsy

Jo Jo Maman Bebe Canvas Summer Shoes Navy

This review is an independent, unpaid review and part of the My Petit Canard Things We Love Series which is all about sharing great finds and things we love. Please feel free to share some of your great finds with us too!

Being a mother has changed me..

Being a mother has changed me, significantly and profoundly. I no longer want what I thought I wanted, and it has taken me almost a year to realise that. I headed eagerly back into the office after 10 months of maternity leave, desperate to get back onto the career ladder in a new role and a new organisation. I quickly proved myself and celebrated early successes. My drive and determination to carve out a successful career in the city paid dividends. But that success has come at a price to work life balance and family. Ironically I left my last role and previous employer to achieve work life balance and now it seems more elusive than ever. Alongside an already a tumultuous year where I have had to endure the pain of helplessly watching a parent deteriorate before my eyes, managed a house move and started the little lady in nursery, I have spent much of the last six months feeling overwhelmed, over worked, tired and frankly wondering whether it is all worth it. Over the last two months I have thought about work an awful lot, wondering whether I am being over dramatic and just need to suck it up, or whether what I want has changed. I went back to work because I wanted to feel fulfilled and I thought that the success, the status and the recognition would give me that. At times it has, but I’ve come to realise recently that I already feel fulfilled because I know what I can achieve and actually that is enough. Being a mother has changed me, significantly and profoundly.

Beginnings and endings

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It’s been a strange end of the year and start to the new year. I’m one of those people that loves Christmas, particularly now that I have a little one, but I almost equally love the new year for the fresh start and all the possibilities it brings. I usually go to town at christmas, and am full of positive enthusiasm at the start of a new year. But this year both seem to have passed me in a bit of a blur. Because life, and the world around me has temporarily been on pause since Christmas Eve, eve when my father unexpectedly fell ill. Life since then has been lived day to day, waiting for news of progress that never seems to come. Hospital visits and constant phone calls. Family meetings and planning for a future that is so unknown. Guilt, worry and self loathing on the days that we can’t get to the hospital or make those calls, because normal life must go on.

But in every adversity, there is a silver lining. Because if it weren’t for my father falling ill, I wouldn’t have had the time I have had to be still and reflect. To think, I mean really, really think, and listen. For the first time I actually heard all the words in Bob Marley’s buffalo soldier and I have heard that song, my fathers favourite, a million times over the years. I wouldn’t have taken the time to do nothing but enjoy the company and presence of my little family. To have the days and days that we have had together at home doing not much more than the playing, relaxing and getting to know one another all over again. Nor would I have had the time to spend as much time with my siblings as I did. It has been a horrible, difficult, tiring and emotional time, but it has been wonderful in those moments where I have momentarily enjoyed being still, being present, being loved and giving love.

So going into this new year I am going to try to consciously find time to reflect and be still, and of course, blog a whole lot more. With that in mind, I want to say thank you to all my friends and family both at home and on Twitter for their support and love over the last few weeks, and for gently encouraging me back to blogging, I have missed it fondly. I have a lot to write about so I really hope you all want to read it..

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The guilt

The guilt is eating me alive. I have come full circle it would seem. From being eager and excited to get back to work, to feeling the awful mummy guilt of leaving my little lady day after day. The only thing that takes the edge off it is knowing that she is with family and that she is happy when she is there. But it’s the getting her there and waving goodbye in the mornings that’s hard. Knowing some mornings that she is still tired and would much rather sleep than being coaxed awake by mummy who “has to go to work”, but who knowingly and guiltily made the choice to go back to work. I know in the back of my mind that she is fine and that this is fine, that its good for her to spend some time away from me and the husband, socialising, playing and learning to be with others even if it is family. I know that this is the right thing for our family from a financial perspective and I know that I needed to go back to work for me. It was and still is the right decision on the whole. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling terrible some mornings when I can see that the little lady doest really feel like getting up, or getting dressed. I was certainly under no illusions this morning that it was one of those days, when she refused to kiss or say goodbye to me as daddy whisked her out the door. As I start to get back into the routine of it all, as I start to get fall back into the monotony of it all, I can’t help but ask myself whether I could have compromised more. Whether I could have considered the options more. A full time new job doesn’t leave much time for anything. Out the door at 8am and back in at 7pm. That’s a long day, even for me. But isn’t this what everyone does? Isn’t this the norm? Isn’t this reality? Isn’t this everyone’s story almost? I love my little lady and I love working, and somehow, someway we seem to have found a way to make it all work. But something still doesn’t feel quite right. Something feels out of balance. Something is making me feel a little bit guilty..